disintegrate quickly
http://www.napowrimo.net/
Tuesday, 8 April 2025
genie.
Monday, 7 April 2025
fictions.
in a suburban vista
there are things only
seen with your eyes shut.
i've looked once before,
standing on the shoulders
of ghosts now free of their
bones they float past
the scene of the accident.
fly my pretties,
rewrite your fictions
to better suit your narratives.
sirens wail
which upsets the nestlings
and makes them wail too.
Sunday, 6 April 2025
eternal.
it may be the sun
who shows us the way,
but when the darkness comes
the truth seekers will see.
inside the oracle (question everything)
there is a blinding light,
a holy light
where jesus knows that lazarus
will be his undoing
but he digs anyway.
Saturday, 5 April 2025
dandy.
abbreviated senses
fall over themselves
to reach tear ducts
inhale/exhale,
stomp as a way of
release.
you are here.
side roadworks
cause not only
confusion
just
be grateful
there's no fatalities
today.
the planets aren't
aligned or even
talking to each other
right now but
there's no trouble
in paradise
unless you send up
the solar flares.
the theatre of war
is only entertaining
to frankenstein's lover.
you never get
the generals to the front,
oligarchs must remain
ignorant, or at least
blinkered for us to
remain capitalised.
tears are not
the most valuable liquid,
that's ink
to sign the papers.
alternatively...
Thursday, 3 April 2025
crocheted clive.
i begin with the
best intentions,
but the piece
of my brain that
imagines success
has mastered the art
of misrepresentation.
the frogs creep in.
the tangles turn
to order, but only
sometimes. wrangle
your materials in an
almost brutal sense.
you have an audience
remember shirley,
you'd better sparkle.
punch the needle
pull the chain
you'll be okay
precious artifact,
if only i can...
Wednesday, 2 April 2025
burns.
he doesn't burn slowly,
usefully, like a candle,
he burns dangerously
like a cigarette
about to be dropped
on crusty bedsheets,
he burns like red embers
spat from the fire
onto ancient rugs.
he is a dervish, whirling,
living for this moment
and this moment,
and this one.
he is a professor
in the science of
getting nowhere.
he devours all the flavours,
he is the rainbow.
the flags he flies
are not red, they're flaming,
and i am the moth.
Tuesday, 1 April 2025
apollo.
apollo walked
by moonlight
contemplating entropy.
although a king
of increasing power
the snowball effect
of the melting ice,
the fires that close
the gap on heaven and hell,
the ruptures that
the earth endures
make him fear the virus
has finally won.
apollo wept
by candlelight
contemplating entropy.
Saturday, 6 July 2024
stairway to the edge. ripped off stairway to heaven-led zepplin.
it’s gentle at first,
but already it’s haunted.
ghosts float in a medieval parade
and i long to join their dance
but it is too soon, they say
too soon.
following the paths of various pipers
i crave a more diabolical dancer,
one who carries a knife and
flattens his hair. but whiskey don’t
make lucky, and even the madonna
is crying when the rain washes
down the stained glass windows.
the hills get steeper, and louder,
there’s a real build.
the undergrowth makes cover
for the thief, so not everything
can be revealed,
some things must remain hidden
until the arrival of the may queen,
and the drums.
then a passer by asks me “is this
the way to heaven baby?”
cue the electric.
no matter the talisman i carry
it’s less of a caffeine high and
more of a midsommar mania.
the rocks sprout flowers
and the riverbeds flood, a cleansing.
the wonder of it all fills my eyes, as
words that cannot be spoken
must be wept.
things get a little… nonsensical
as the boats dock at the
quarantine island -
they're throwing a party for our souls!
it’s all strobe lights and amulets
and dancing like the world’s on fire,
because it is.
on the edge of everything
there is a sharpness, where
things are felt more keenly.
and that’s where we gather, watching
our island inch
to the edge
of the sharp, flat earth,
and finally
we find
our lady.
we needed you to go to rehab amy. ripped off rehab-amy winehouse.
developing a habit
as easy as
falling down.
you flirt with
danger and chemistry
to make a heady cocktail,
staggering from drink
to drink
to drunk
in an extravagant tango
that you call love.
we needed you to go to rehab amy.
you opened your mouth
and from a place divine
you filled the room
with the furniture of your life,
spinning your heartaches
like fine white linen,
dropping rare gems
like ice into bourbon.
moody blues and bloody ballet shoes
we needed you to go to rehab amy.
you thought that you were
in love with love,
but what you craved was chaos.
sad that the music wasn’t enough,
sad that you failed more times
than you tried - and you did try.
so i get that you’d rather be
drunk than sad but we needed you,
we needed you to go to rehab amy.
now you inhabit
our thin places,
slipping in and out of
our everyday cravings,
singing self destructive anthems
to the loves and losses and alarm bells
that shape us all.
all soul and no body
we needed you to go to rehab amy.
Friday, 5 May 2023
a small sonnet.
we touch lips
and you are ready
my ego slips
but yours is steady.
fingers transferring
your scent to my skin
muscles clenching
deep and within.
hands are claws
and tongues don't care
map my flaws
so they turn to air.
we come together, simpatico
on a rolling stone crescendo.
Saturday, 29 May 2021
days.
insomnia carries
its weight through
my days
dragging my feet
slowing my heart
heavy on my eyes
insomnia carries.
grief weighs
its way through
my days
pricking my nerves
poking at memories
getting my guts
grief weighs.
happiness floats
over my head through
my days
out of reach
visibly pretty
achingly far
happiness floats.
Thursday, 13 May 2021
left.
the grimest
of reapers
doesn't want
you dead,
for him the
satisfaction
lies in your
suffering.
a cast
of shadows
greets you
as you run
but you
can't let the
rapture
catch ya.
aim for the
thin places
the spaces
where the
air is pregnant
& you are
born again.
depleted
but you
can't fight
the devil
with willpower
so acceptance
is all
that's left.
Tuesday, 11 May 2021
cheyenne.
sitting in the shadow of the rockies
it's a long way there.
fog covered mountain, secrets
i'd like to leave behind
here in the shadows.
hands feel like ice
and ice feels like fire
and it won't feel so cold
if you just keep walking.
stopping
lets the chill air catch you
here in the shadows.
keep breathing deeply
the air is much
much thinner here
so catching breath is
mindfulness,
not mechanical.
think of the pioneers
and slip on some sheepskin
listen to the whispers.
because the mountain
knows them by their names
& by their dreams.
dream of steam trains
and ski shoes, try to
pioneer your way out
of the past
of my head
it's not quite white yet
not quite hermit time.
Monday, 10 May 2021
storm.
it's deliciously messy
when cuts cause blood
but not always.
i'll ask you to
send envoys
from another
threshold, because
however harrowing
the daytime
there is still
enormous scope
for the night.
apparently & differently
the scariest step
is out.
when the blues
keep banging
in your head
every step
is pointless,
like a circle.
this time
the storm
stays silent.
Sunday, 9 May 2021
don't
write an anthem
write a prayer
write for the man
who is not there.
write real fast
but reluctantly
embrace the rhythm
that you feel don't see.
don't see colour
don't see race
don't see the nose
that's on my face
don't see the facts
that surround you now
i dream of better
but i don't know how.
Friday, 7 May 2021
coffee
Thursday, 6 May 2021
places.
i wake early to watch
the clouds
as if they were
television.
joined by birds
incredulous
we sing
& we sing
in a voice not quite
melancholy.
i like to find
the thin places,
the spaces between
here
& not here.
someday the rapture
will take me
but for now
i settle for
some other damn
paradise.
Wednesday, 5 May 2021
strips.
it only took
a look
to turn me
into a
somebody
done
somebody
wrong song,
leaving me
bleeding roadside
in a sentimental
way.
we sit
through the
guilty hours
ripping strips
off a reality
rendered over
and nothing
that you say
can make
this bitter
distance
better.
Tuesday, 4 May 2021
didn't.
i didn't see it coming
when he took my hand
on the corner of
underdog & vine,
heartskip romeo
to sweep me
off the street.
so i didn't see it coming,
drunkdriver fast
a car
to sweep me
off the street
& closer to heaven
than a body should climb.
i didn't see it coming,
the gravity slap
that the
the comedown implied.
i was the prima ballerina
in the frantic dance
around the inevitable.
Monday, 3 May 2021
covered.
i'm not in
the habit of
misguided
infatuation, so
what i like most
is your haunting
storm damage
and the easy way
you cover it over
with sarcasm
& substance abuse.
but whiskey
don't make lucky
so i become
familiar with the
quick exit of the
one night stand,
& the cold of the
middle of the
night.
Sunday, 2 May 2021
needs.
"i'll be there soon"
he said
a long time ago.
i stayed long enough
for a spider to spin
a web on me
so that she could
whisper in my ear
"if you need me i'll
be dancing".
Saturday, 1 May 2021
thoughts.
i'm not in the business
of giving things away
but this frown is free,
i made it myself
from found objects
so you see
it has your name on it.
once,
and later on
the needle scratches
words of
ambiguous meaning,
another tattoo
torment.
thoughts, they
waterfall, & the
only time
peace finds a
home here
is when elvis
sings the
blues.
Monday, 8 April 2019
eight
of a bleak city
this is it.
nameless buildings
and strip malls
with too many signs.
the trees are
closing shop for winter
shadows of their
former selves.
sticks and stoned don't
break my bones but
the cold takes
my breath away.
seven
whe you committed suicide,
drinking cup after cup after cup
of coffee too strong for
your heart to handle.
i walk past, trying to remember
the good times, the sane times.
i flick my eyes to the skies
because i don't know where else
to look for you.
time does help but cannot hold
my heart the way that you did,
like a badge on your chest.
i still take my coffee strong
as a lesson from the dead.
Saturday, 6 April 2019
six
our shadows grow
so long
they are almost
out of reach.
you linger,
touch my hand
and say
"there is just
one thing more..."
sound turns hollow
and crickets weep,
but our glory
will live in
the small arrangements.
Friday, 5 April 2019
five
like i'm a man
or something
tall.
i rationalise it as
calculated risk,
but really
i'm just playing craps
with the fates
janine balding
sally roethe
le ngoc le
walking with a
confidence that
i only have
sometimes
their stories roll
through my head
mary freeman
teah rose
simone fraser
i brace,
form a fist
with my keys
caroline willis
gail winner
ros thompson
because society
ain't gunna
fix this
maria korp
katrina and cynthia miles
jill meagher
but i still hold
my head high
caroline matthews
margaret tobin
rebecca wilde
and keep walking.
Thursday, 4 April 2019
four
we discuss the value
of nature, then
decide to go there.
breathing deeply,
hoping this
moment
is strong enough
to hold us
we fold into
the undergrowth.
with blindfolds on
we can quench
our other senses,
while in between
thunderclaps
my heart has time
to skip a beat.
there is no fruit
left uneaten
until the
pixies sing a
love song that
goes too long
and we know
it is time to get out.
Wednesday, 3 April 2019
three
where deep humans
take refuge from a
world too shallow
to comprehend.
the light doesn't
shine here.
nothing shows
or grows or is
nurtured in
this underbelly,
but comfort can
still be found.
Tuesday, 2 April 2019
two
park benching with coffee,
and although i don't expect it
we both start crying.
it's not so much the
words we say
as the deep sense of
hopeful ennui
we both share.
we feel intrepid,
and although the heart
that you give me is
cracked and bloody
it is whole.
Monday, 1 April 2019
one
left out of
a documentary
i hit the road.
shale shines like
second hand silver
beneath my feet
& with the wind
at my back
there's nothing
but black tar madness
showing me the way.
it's a dusty shuffle,
sometimes clinging
to the earth
for fear that gravity
and memory
will fling me to realms
too sacred for
a waif like me.
birds that are
nameless
call my name,
call me home.
Sunday, 6 May 2018
diabolical logic.
but not never.
you promised me forever
but then you forgot.
i understand but
i have to think about the burning.
did you ever wake up
in the middle of a nightmare
that started as a love story?
too many bandages
for one person to carry.
the skulls are always smiling,
the boughs of the trees hang low
over the grave that i am
still compelled to visit,
enforced meditation,
not very zen.
driven to sit on the mound
and the cross
think of nothing
think of nothing and bones
think of nothing and his bones.
when we first buried him
my musings were grotesque,
walking corpses in
coffee shops and
everywhere the stench of lillies.
shudders would
rip and claw at my body
and only the sleep of
the dead would
quiet those nightmares.
i lit candles
and said affirmations,
turned to traditional ways.
i let him go, but
not really.
my visits shorten
or lengthen
depending on need.
i come here for the diabolical logic
and when i am done with the
pretty colours i'll move on.
Friday, 13 April 2018
developing.
as easy as
falling down.
so i make my bed and
gnaw the inside of my mouth,
lying you myself
that this will ever end.
Tuesday, 10 April 2018
between.
and the sea
you'll find me.
i come here for the calm,
the medicinal waves
changing the way that i think
from chaos to
a new kind of archetype.
i come here for the salt,
for when my lungs scream
their questions that only
the sky can answer
the salt air soothes and mends.
i come here to be
aware but not hypervigilant,
sedate but not sedated,
contained but not boxed in.
between the scrub
and the sea
you'll find me.
gone.
but it was the wine.
the effect was the same,
he was absent, vacant,
lost to her.
everything they built
deconstructed slowly,
crumbling with every
dreadful headline
until he was
washed away.
Sunday, 8 April 2018
pantoum.
and i show you i can take it.
there are flaws in our brushstrokes
but still the magic happens.
and i show you i can take it
beading sweat and clenched teeth
but still the magic happens.
there is power in our fragility.
we don't look too closely because
there are flaws in our brushstrokes.
i show you what soft feels like
you show me how strong you are.
Saturday, 7 April 2018
while the moon watches.
through the window
while i flirt with danger,
and the drop.
noise turns hollow
and crickets weep
from the pain
of dawn breaking.
i let the last of the darkness
swallow me
as i contemplate
the necessary evil
of revelling in un-wellness.
i find it serves a higher purpose,
a game to scare the shit
out of myself
and roll over into normal.
Friday, 6 April 2018
my superhero.
with the voice of kathryn hepburn.
i'd ride an invisible steed and
together we would map
the bleak landscape.
so wherever there was
a poor orphan child
or some damn selfish bastard
to rescue
we'd be there.
i wanna pull myself up
by my bootstraps
just like jane eyre.
i would still have my moments,
but once the cape goes on
i am a superhero
like jane eyre.
i wanna rise from the ashes
because of jane eyre.
i don't seek redemption
just a choice.
what would jane eyre do?
stay on the bus sista,
ride your own journey.
Thursday, 5 April 2018
every step.
she steps on no cracks
and every tread has purpose.
when she is unwell
her footsteps tell
a different story.
they take tangents
and cross wires
because every tread is
black hole madness.
stasis
is useful
only some of the time.
and choice
is a luxury
reserved for others.
Tuesday, 3 April 2018
heart of the matter.
caught in my throat.
so i drop into a dreamstate
(because this poem is not about me).
and with my right hand
reach
past
my teeth
and over my tongue,
slip
through
my gullet
and touch my fingers on
the heart of the matter,
which is that i am lacking.
Monday, 2 April 2018
days.
like the day daddy
sent mummy a love letter
in the shape of a crowbar.
every day hurts
like the way the calipers
clamp to my thighs to support
my broken spine legs.
some day this will end.
like an angel calling from
a very dark place i will be gifted
merciful oblivion.
Sunday, 1 April 2018
corny point.
sharp, and to the point.
the symbiosis of touch,
too much.
the chemistry of music
when it hits my brain.
the omnipotence of nature,
naturally, it soothes me.
the openness of the tribe,
in numbers we are strong.
five points fall into one and if i have to choose
i'd choose forward,
away,
to you.
Thursday, 16 November 2017
fragile
watched the closing credits roll.
Sunday, 3 September 2017
this is a story about a balloon.
i see you with elvis at the 7/11
hear your voice as i walk the aisles.
ziggy lives! i tell myself
as i drop out to music
i was sure had been written for me.
i camp out in car parks, in weather, in band shirts, in tight jeans, in sleeping bags and in fan packs, flicking off spiders and jonesing for a glimpse of you.
i lie awake dreaming that perhaps maybe someday we will actually, realistically meet. i mean literally, in the flesh. and if that did happen finally, hopefully. maybe i'd say something funny, something funny enough to flick the switch on the beer light and your sweet, sweet hands will get to know me down to the bones.
i hang out with girlfriends, your songs on repeat, riffs rewinding endlessly, endlessly. (can you hear me major tom)? we we do each other's make up to look just like you then we make up scenarios about you and me and you and her and you and me and her.
we draw pictures in our school books then on rainy nights and full moons carve your name in my arm with a compass so you will never leave me. we'd mix our blood with poster paint to plaster on tshirts and in our bedrooms we'd dance and dance and dance, your image on my walls watching over us like a saint. we'd use you for kissing practice as ziggy jammed with the jean genie and our mothers didn't understand any of it.
we were mesmerized, screwed,
we were licked, we were hanging.
there is only one light.
and when i am actually, physically with you, when i'm there in the stadium, when i am one with the masses i push you and i push you and i scream out your name in you thin white face and i'm insane at how insane your music makes me it's like your guitar is jacking my brain.
we never saw it coming.
red mist and red wrists
you took me to mars,
covered in a stardust blanket
i would follow you anywhere.
i see you with elvis at the 7/11
hear your voice from beyond as i walk the aisles.
ziggy lives! i tell myself
as i drop out to music
i was sure had been written
just for me.
Monday, 28 August 2017
only the good.
as she raised the frying pan
above her head,
bared her teeth
and swung balletic with
such momentum
he could swear this time
she would actually, finally
take flight.
it was a familiar dance,
where he would read
a thousand nightmares
in her eyes while
she spewed profanities
and lashed out at the world,
a screaming banchee.
in a theatre of war
she would have been a major general.
the battle, he knew
was inside her head,
private, not for him to fight.
so he retrieves her
tiny frame from the floor,
plants kisses on her forehead
and tells her the only war cry he knows.
"only the good die young baby".
and hopes like hell
that it isn't true.
Monday, 12 June 2017
ripped off #10 (crazy - willy nelson)
i'm crazy for trying,
trying to negotiate an
adult relationship
in the face of such
childish behaviour.
i can take the wandering songs,
but not the molasses.
i'm crazy for trying to
make a connection
that can wrap us in answers
to all the hard questions,
so that it lasts more than
one month
one week
one night.
i'm crazy for trying to
show you my ever lovin' heart,
to be your rock
when all you wanted
was to roll on down the road
to places and people unknown.
i'm crazy,
crazy for thinking
these blues are gunna lift
when you walk into view,
because the bass beat you carry
has a black dog numbness
about it,
about you,
crazy.